Achieving mistakes: January 9,2010

No rulebooks, no guided tours through this thing we call "parenthood."

My Crane style won't protect me from projectile infant urine technique and no matter how many times I dub the voice over I still hear my own words come out of my kids' mouths when they get too crazy: "How about I tell you No dad." English or Japanese subtitles can't save it--the Ninja brood hear something and they come calling for me, smokebombs to camoflauge their attacks to my groin and face, cute laughter to mask the throwing star-like pillow coming straight for my eyes. They apear like wraiths in the mist, making me responsible for every thing I have said or done and their weapons are edged. I rush to my book, but Dr. Spock is impaled on the Diaper Genie, a Zweback biscuit casually stuffed into his mouth and the Japanese kanji for "revenge" is tattooed, Yakuza style, on his forehead in crayon. They want answers, they want snacks, they want time and they want it now--okay, step by step, figure it all out moment by moment and accept that mistakes will be made as you kamakazi into the family room fray.

I promise you, What To Expect When You're Expecting does not have a chapter on battling Ninja children to the death or the art of paternal seppuku--it is all hit or miss Papa Samurai and the blade will certainly cut with a dull edge from time to time, making a bigger mess than I intended.

We're all doing the very best we can, pail after pail of water we cart like an oxen up the mountain, bathing in the waterfall of early 6am or 10pm showers to wash away the pain of the day's lessons. Receiving a caning from the boss or walking the hot coals of our uncertainty. There is always home to come back to for us parents, but the front light that illuminates the way doesn't always have all the answers--and that is okay. We must achieve mistakes in this process, we must settle for missing the mark at times, for being imperfect, fragile human beings, capable of breaking or misstepping or both. Not every board I punch will break and some not only resist they hit back, breaking off a portion of me instead. To achieve mistakes means we tried something and, by our definition of what we were trying to accompish, we missed our goal. Children and wives, husbands and families will understand and be happier for it if you are willing to celebrate mistakes as a means of an attempt and the opportunity to learn and become clearer in your next choice.

So grab some sushi, snuggle up in a mountain pass with the feudal family and figure that despite the strength and power of the tiger and dragon surrounding all of you, there will be mudslides and it will downpour every now and then. Take it all in.

Zen Daddy